It is Sinterklaas season, which means that certain candies surface in various shops, 'pepernoten', 'kruidnoten', 'taai taai poppen', marzepan. And one of these candies reminds me of you. Marzepan... A candy that I dislike, because I find it too sweet.
Yesterday, I ate a very thin piece of marzepan just because it reminds me of you. Your cute smile when you buy it at the supermarket and the way you glow while telling me that you like it alot or the way you tell me it is delicious. Those memories went through my mind, while I thought: "This is tooooo sweeettt."
The winter is coming and so also the cold, when I feel chills I imagine you hugging me with your warmth. Except I feel cold again, when I think of holding your bare wintery weather hands. Even though, I feel so loved and appreciated when you are near me your cold hands make me worry a little bit.
Feelings are just feelings, but combined with memories it can be quite intense. Reliving something and hoping it isn't something you burried away for a very good reason. Forgetting is what you wish for, but missing someone. Missing someone is something else to cope with.
The distance with you, makes me feel lonely sometimes. In the past, I just found something to do with my time. I didn't feel the need to share my happiness with one person particular. It was just sharing my days, when I felt like it.
But I feel a certain longing as if we have a long invisible line that connects us and when you are not in my view or not in touching distance I feel an uncomfortable magnetic pull. A ridiculous senseless invisible gravitational energy.
The longing for cuddling, running up to you, kissing you, can't be accomplished so I try to hush it. It is nearly impossible due to the distance. The distance is further than a vicinity or a certain radius around you.
You give me... Bubbly, fluffy, warm, soft feelings. I feel needles instead of butterflies sometimes and I feel loved. You're so close to my heart, but my mind can't be fooled. You are not here. I miss you!