It is autumn and leaves from trees are slowly changing colour. From green to yellow, orange, red and brown. The colours are beautiful, but these leaves fall eventually so that the tree can rest and retain more resources to be able to survive the coming winter.
Everything is still green to me even though it has been about two months now. I still feel overwhelmed with emotions which my fragile heart is keeping inside and my brain is trying to cope with. Nothing can be seen as rational, when I open the doors.
When the doors are open I see beautiful colours everywhere. Every remark, behaviour around me can only be interpretated as joy, happy... Usually it is "I don't know how you feel, but I wish you happiness" so I greet everyone with a smile when I feel like being friendly.
But what if colours turn yellow, orange, red and it has nothing to do with happiness and it reaches to the crumbling brown. Have my emotions put a tombstone to the relationship or is there just a lake which I need to build a bridge on to be able to cross it?
My heart was crying last week. I guess when doors are opened other feelings and memories start to surface as well. The obstacle of being an obstacle has been messing me up again. I was sure I was making progress.
Am I ready and strong enough to continue building that bridge or do I just have to push myself and swim through it?
*Gathers all my courage*
Bye bye crumbling brown leaves! Hi... Hi... Hi you *smile*