Today, I was appreciated in a way that... If I knew about it beforehand... I'd run away!!!
It was a day to be celebrated! Another part of the hospital's EPD (electronic patient record) has gone live! There was a party to celebrate it. I was invited, because I have implemented the forms part of the paramedical records. The paramedics used to write in a paper record, but now they will type it into the EPD through fields/forms.
People, who were involved with the project received gifts and surprisingly so did I? Yes, I received a sack of candy. I was very surprised to be named as one of the people who helped out with the EPD, still it felt a bit awkward. I accepted the sack of candy and bowed to the clapping paramedics (mostly to hide my embarrassment). The guy, who gave me the gift is a colleague of mine. He is super sweet and always makes me smile. There is already an inner giggle every time I see him, because he is super cute! But he is batting for the other team *giggles*.
Then the worst thing happened, I knew I should have left when I had the chance! Before the speech and the gift giving. My team leader and boss were happy with me, super cute guy was thanking me again… Nice… As if I was not feeling awkward enough and very appreciated… I guess staying around for half an hour is enough, back to work! So I said bye to the super cute guy and the cute super tall boss… And there it was… The pat on my left shoulder. I was thinking: “Nooooh! That-did-not-happen!” I have never been patted on the shoulder by anyone! …And my boss did it today! I was in denial. So… Not knowing, whether it happened or not I wrote him an email to confirm it and he replied through his iPhone that it was for my good work. I was so relieved and I also freaked out even more in my mind *tries to laugh it off*
Why did I choose to work here again? Oh, yes the team spirit and the learning opportunities! But… I still do not know how to handle all the positive feedback. I usually say thank you and let it fly over my head, but how long can I keep that up. I always become embarrassed by compliments and feeling appreciated seems to be worse somehow…
I dare to say that I am pretty proud of myself for not panicking and running away. Having attention from my team leader, boss and guy colleague did not make my androphobia kick in. Yes, I made it sound like a drug with bad side-effects on purpose!… This is a positive point of view, so I have to add a negative point of view too… I guess I was too busy dealing with the embarrassing appreciation feeling to even let the phobia be heard *sticks out tongue*.